There is a misconception that a single event can cause someone to have a major depressive episode. A major depressive episode is caused by the accumulation of triggers. A trigger is something that takes you down a notch or two in how you feel and/or increases your level of stress. For instance, losing a pet, death of a friend/family member, moving, loss of a job, financial issues or an argument with a friend. A trigger does not cause one to have depression, but one with depression can not handle them accumulating like a "normal" person can.
Let me explain what I mean by "normal" in the most simplistic way I can. Everyone has two neurotransmitters (serotonin and norepinephrine) in their brain. Serotonin and norepinephrine are chemicals that occur naturally in the brain and in a "normal" person, they balance each other and "fire" signals to the brain. Say for instance everyone has a straight line (when neurotransmitters are balanced) in their brain. When you are at this line (balanced), you don't feel happy or sad, you are "normal". When a trigger occurs, the line dips down and you lose your balance a little (feel sad) but a "normal" person is able to effectively deal (the brain creates the missing neurotransmitters) with the trigger and bounce back to "normal" without falling over.
One with depression, these triggers dip you down below the normal line and although you may not enter a full depressive episode, the momentum for one starts to build. We may bounce back some but bouncing back to "normal" (where the neurotransmitters are in balance) is a challenge and rarely happens. Each trigger compounds the previous one until you're unable to handle it all and you are so out of balance, you fall over (major depressive episode).
Why do we fall over? When a trigger occurs our brains are not "wired correctly" to effectively deal with the trigger. The brain does not balance the neurotransmitters out. Incorrect signals are fired, leading to distorted thoughts, irrational thinking and obsessive thoughts. Because the brain does not balance out the chemicals, as the number of triggers are strung together, we're headed for a major depressive spiral. (This can happen over a matter of days, weeks, months or years. It varies for everyone.)
Each major depressive episode intensifies from the one before and the suicidal thoughts last longer. Yes there are medications to help "wire our brains correctly", however there there is no magic formula to know how much or what combination of medication is going to work. Plus the same medication affects everyone differently. So it can be a long, frustrating trial and error period before the right medications and/or combination of medications are discovered, if ever at all.
No, medications are not "happy pills", rather they help the brain balance out the neurotransmitters automatically like a "normal" brain does. So when a trigger occurs, a person with depression is at the "normal" state and has a better chance of returning to normal, being in balance and not falling over. Therapy also is needed, to help one with depression unlearn the distorted thoughts, irrational thinking and obsessive thoughts they have become accustomed to using., often times for many, many years or possibly one's entire life.
I understand why "normal" people have a hard time or do not understand depression. Intellectually, it does not make sense to me either. I am a highly intelligent individual, had a respected career and never thought of myself as having a mental illness. However, I can not cure my illness anymore than a diabetic can cure theirs. I now admit it is something I will have to deal with for life.
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